


Speranza (Hope)

by Merced_0411



Series: Out of the Darkness [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 2 x 13, 2x12, Angst, Canon Divergence- The 100, Clarke Griffin (Mentioned) - Freeform, F/M, Forgiveness, Guilt, Hope, Jake Griffin (mentioned) - Freeform, Kabby, Redemption, Romance, Survivor Guilt, Thoughts of death, Vera kane (mentioned) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-25 23:24:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13223430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merced_0411/pseuds/Merced_0411
Summary: Takes place after the bombing of Ton DC.Abby struggles with her personal demons as well as her feelings about Kane... I wanted to explore Abby's heart wrenching decision to die in 4 x 12 as a culmination of her struggle with her overwhelming guilt.





	Speranza (Hope)

**Author's Note:**

> "All hope abandon, ye who enter here.”  
> ― Dante Alighieri, The Divine Comedy

_Abby ran_.  The pungent smell of death lingered in the air.  It was a smell with which she had become all too familiar. The once lively and thriving community of Ton DC was now a war zone.  People covered in dirt, blood, and debris were now walking around the smoke filled camped.  They were in shock, unable to yet process the horrific event.  Some were missing limbs, others severely burned.  Screams of agony and the wails of those who mourned pierced through her heart like spears.  She ran through the destroyed camp, stumbling over bodies, ignoring the cries of the injured.  The sound of gunfire filled the air, but she could not stop searching.  As a medical doctor, Abby knew that she should stop in order to attend to the wounded; but she could only focus on one task-   _Marcus._

 _What had she done?_  She had taken an oath to save lives and yet, ho _w many lives had been lost as a result of her choices, by her actions or inactions?_ Although Abby had known something was amiss, she readily had left with Clarke.  She should have warned the others.  Abby felt bile rising in her throat   She carefully shut the thoughts of her daughter in the little space in her heart that she reserved for Jake, and all her guilt and painful memories.  It was her defense mechanism. It allowed her to survive. Whether or not she even deserved or even  _wanted_ to live was a question she struggled with daily.  She would deal with all her feelings. _Eventually._

She would not, _could not_ accept that Marcus was among the dead. She needed him to be alive.  She needed _him._ Adversaries on Ark, he had now become an ally, a co-leader... a friend.  _More_ than a friend she realized.  Exactly when and how this shift in their relationship had occurred, remained a mystery. When did her heart start to flutter each time he looked at her? When did her skin begin to tingle with anticipation at each slight brush of his hand?   _When did Kane become Marcus?_  Each time Marcus walked into the room, each stolen glance, each slight touch (which she knew were _not_ just coincidental), sent waves of heat coursing through her veins. Her body had not physically reacted to someone since... Abby felt her lungs begin to constrict.  _Fear? Panic?_ Struggling to breathe, she finally collapsed next to a pile of debris. 

_Please be alive._

_Tears rolled down her face._

_Please be alive._

It was a silent and desperate plea, but to whom?  If God existed, surely  _her prayers_  would not be answered.

As Abby inhaled the thick black smoke of the burning camp, she considered simply allowing Death to overtake her. She had chosen life for Clarke, but the painful realization that her daughter no longer needed her had become clear. Abby was both proud and terrified at who her daughter had become. Perhaps death would provide relief from the pain and guilt that tormented her... She closed her eyes, and imagined what death would be like.  Physiologically, she knew what happened to the body when it died.  Livor mortis, algor mortis, rigor mortis.  She had no idea, however, what happened to one's soul.  _A_ ccording to Vera Kane, upon death, loved ones would be reunited in a beautiful light.  She imagined that somewhere Marcus and Vera were together, laughing, embracing.    _May we meet again_.  How many times had Abby uttered that phrase.  _But did she believe it?_   No,  Abby did not believe that Jake would be waiting for her. Perhaps she would be enveloped in eternal darkness.  _It was what she deserved._ Her sins were too great for forgiveness. Marcus had offered hope, a way out of the darkness that surrounded her.  And now... there would be no redemption,  no new beginning. 

No, she did not deserve to live... but did she even deserve the peace of death?

Then she heard  _it._

There was a faint tap coming from beneath the nearby rubble.  She dismissed the sound as an auditory halluciation, until she heard it again- this time accompanied by a faint moan.  

 It was the sound of _hope_.

 

 


End file.
